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→→→→ vertical line TOPIC: WHY DO I STILL FEEL SEPARATE DURING WHAT I THINK IS PURE CONSCIOUSNESS
vertical line Posted on Feb.23.2017 @ 10:01AM EDT by bosweljj
Ok, I’ve been meditating for a while now and I’ve always been able to quickly achieve a state of good awareness and sometimes I think I’ve actually had glimpses of enlightenment or pure consciousness but I’ve never got anything out of it other than feeling one with the moment at that time and then when meditation is over, thoughts rush in along with life stresses etc.. I try to continue the practice into everyday life activities. I listen A LOT to Alan Watts audio archives and audiobooks and I actually understand that we (cosmos) are all 1, all connected and interdependent on each other, a harmony of complex patterns and events etc. but last night I believe that I actually achieved proper pure consciousness, I had no concept of time, I was just doing and witnessing, completely separate from my thoughts, I could of been anywhere doing anything and I would of felt the same, just a watcher experiencing with no judgement, it felt amazing. HOWEVER, I still felt separate, like a watcher separate from the universe seeing it unfold before me, but still separate. I don’t feel connected. I think that when I die my watcher will die, I don’t feel like my watcher is the energy of universe and it will go on when my body dies. I’m struggling to explain it in words. I feel my thoughts as separate from me, I can see them come and go but I still don’t feel one with the universe. I do as a mutual happening both happening at the same time, me and it but not as the same thing! Can someone guide me!
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Reply from so_teh
Feb.26.2017
09:31PM EDT 
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vertical line I know what it is like being caught in the IDEA of all this. And that's what alan watts and others don't want to happen. They are just one individual with a perception. When you combine many individuals with many of the same similar perceptions before you know it you are caught in this IDEA.

My suggestion from what you wrote is take a break from the subject. Learn something new! Out of the realm of the subject of consciousness. This can be difficult. But when you break away from it for awhile you will find some real clarity. Then you can return with a fresh mind.

Do something different.
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 161057
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Reply from bosweljj
Feb.28.2017
09:11AM EDT 
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vertical line Thank you for the reply. I will. It can get frustrating sometimes as I feel like I'm on the verge of understanding it all, like it's all about to 'click' in my mind and then no, something's missing or something doesn't make sense.
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 161058
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Reply from so_teh
Mar.12.2017
01:27PM EDT 
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vertical line Silent Knowing
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 161059
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Reply from Michaelg
Apr.06.2017
11:32AM EDT 
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vertical line When sitting in meditation we are not searching but instead are simply observing the impermanent nature of all appearance as it rises and ceases including that of the conventional mind. The mind wants to grasp but there is nothing to grasp but shadows. All is empty of inherent existence but there is the quality of appearance that manifest as "now". Cling to no view, desire no "result", grasp no memory or concept of "enlightenment", simply sit quietly and observe the rising and passing of one breath, the impermanent nature of all phenomena including "self".
Love and Peace
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 161060
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Reply from Avisitor
Apr.10.2017
01:36AM EDT 
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vertical line There are those who teach how to regulate the mind by doing quiet sitting.
Teaching them to completely separating themselves from all matters.
This becomes an instance of using the mind to stop the mind.
Practice of this type, how can they not fall into the realm of dead end meditation?

Back when I had a teacher, my practice began in earnest.
And soon, I had experiences of such as being separated from myself.
There were times of watching the things going on with no thoughts.
Spoke to my teacher about it. He said forget the experience and move on.
But, the experience is such that one wonders how could this not be part of what I seek.
It is just another trap. Another thing to get wrapped up in it.
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 161061
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Reply from so_teh
Apr.10.2017
02:08AM EDT 
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vertical line Practice "The unnamable is the eternally real."

You don't have to become a mute.

Just practice sincerely.

_/\_

vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 161062
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Reply from bosweljj
Apr.11.2017
05:25AM EDT 
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vertical line This has developed further since I last wrote. My downfall probably is that I'm seeking enlightenment in the distance. Even though I truly am in the moment and not seeking anything at the forefront of my mind, I'm not clinging to anything, I'm completely separate from my thoughts and now even my thoughts of my thoughts (they talk to each other eg thought person a - that new films out thought person b - look at thought person a thinking about that new film and then there's me watching both) perhaps still my goal in the background is to get somewhere with it but everything is developing deeper and deeper to the point last night I actually thought I think I'm already there already enlightened but I know I'm not coz I don't feel it. I think I'm not afraid of dying at that moment because there's only now and in every moment there's just an experience but I think it's my ego tricking me into thinking this as if I was actually faced with death I think my ego would panic like crazy and probably crack to reveal my true being. I will tell you all a cool meditation session I had the other day though it was literally amazing. I was lying down (I feel more 'awake' when I'm lying down or walking as opposed to sitting for whatever reason, I think it's to do with my bad back and knees distracting me) and about 15 mins in, I felt my body merge with the floor and earth, I felt like just a head, and when I breathed it was coming from the whole earth, like I was or was a part of the whole earth (or should I say my body not me) and when I breathed it moved with me HOWEVER, I still felt separated from it with my head, I felt like I wasn't my body and that I was just this awareness but this awareness is not apart of the whole earth or cosmos. Not sure if this again was pure consciousness or whether it's my ego pretending again maybe it's both and I can't let go of me! I want to I really do! Or am I just telling myself that. There are times when I feel awakened during daily activities too like eating and walking to the shops, I'm fully present aware of everything separate from my thoughts but still attached to me or my ego! I think I may be getting confused between me and ego. I really think I need a teacher as I think the door is ajar and I need help to walk through it.
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Reply from Avisitor
Apr.25.2017
12:50AM EDT 
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vertical line Someone once said, to get to the very depths of this mind, one is required to not be part of one's own drama.

Experiences are created by the very actions one takes
And those experiences are the drama one lives

Karma is simply .. what you plant is what you reap
Plant an apple seed and an apple tree will grow.
It can't be an orange tree.

So when a beginner practices and gets the notion that stopping thought is the goal of meditation, they lose their way. One is instructed to let go of thoughts. Not to stop them. And no one ever said there is a goal or objective. Cause the person seeking enlightenment can never achieve it.
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